a confession

from: NN

I cannot cry, God don't let me cry. He doesn't want me crying for something He hate. I hate being me. I hate not to tell everybody what I have felt about them. I hate about me who cannot get along with each other when they could. I want everybody to feel what I feel. Because sometimes it's hard for me to get along with them. I need a silent moment, a specific time when I can only be with my GOD. A time when everything can be seen, rewinded in my head. A time to repent, to tell my story with Him.

It's about this week. It's about something I doubt, I can't really sure about that. But that's what happened. Well, people befriend with me with purpose. They're not sincere. Said that they care, they were close to me. But what I've seen is totally different. Maybe they thought I didn't realize that I observe. In the crowd, where all my friend gather around, I always be the 'left behind person'. It really pissed me off. Nothing I can do to work it out. I just cannot say to them that how the couldn't befriend with me for what I am. They saw me like someone they just knew. It's like the time I spent together with them, it's nothing.

I just ran from that condition, go to my room, locked my room and wrote this note. I just cannot hold my cry and I don't want to be pitied write it down on facebook page. So silly. Now it's time for me to talk personally with GOD. Because he is the only one who accept me what I am, other than my parents.